The Latter is Better

I've been thinking a lot lately. I've been thinking about how when I was in ninth grade, I had no inkling of an idea of what I wanted to do with my life. I was going through a rough time and I was in the dark, confused about what I would do in the future. Thinking about the future terrified me and I actually refused to talk about it because I was so afraid. I hate that I lived most of my early high school life that way because I wasted so much time fearing when I should have been trusting and living in peace. But finally, it's all so clear. I'm overwhelmed thinking about how I've grown spiritually, emotionally, and in every other way you can possibly grow the past four years. If there's anything I can say I've gotten good at, it's trusting the Lord. After enduring a horrible tragedy my ninth grade year, I realized my life is in God's hands and if I don't live for him and put every ounce of my being into him, I'm not fully living. I can't be who God wants me to be if I don't trust him.

When I first discovered photography, it took me about a year to even think about it possibly being a career because I was so insecure. I never felt like I was good enough, I never felt creative, I never felt like I could direct people, I never thought I'd understand light, I never thought I'd have enough money to buy my dream camera... But now, after telling God every night that I want him to take my life and put me right where he wants me, I see the product of that. I see the product of literally giving him everything. I was so lost during that time in my life four years ago that that's the only thing I could do. Still, every day is a battle but I finally feel like I'm fighting the battle, rather than losing the battle.

I'm simply blessed. I know I say that all the time but I don't even understand how I got to this point. I'm a 19-year-old who gets to take pictures of beautiful, happy people. I get to do something I love. I could not be more thankful. I don't know if God intends for me to be a photographer for the rest of my life but I do know he has a plan, one that I would be crazy not to trust in, especially considering what he's done so far this year. So today I challenge you to ask yourself if you're planning your life or if God is, because I can tell you one thing, the latter is better.